My New Philosophy
by creepinsmooches
Summary: Uhm... philosophy clubbing. This is going to be ridiculous, and possibly entirely out of character. It had to be done, I'm sorry. This is bookverseish. Some characters may seem more musical, and Elphie may simply be wrong. shrug
1. Chapter 1

1Disclaimer: OBVIOUSLY these lovely characters aren't mine. I've just decided to borrow them and use them for my own personal amusement. I'm sure Mr. Maguire would cry if he saw what I'm about to do to his beloved characters. shrug He's making fat bank. He'll get over it. ;)

That said... this is going to be ridiculous. Things are going to get way out of hand, and possibly... well... most likely out of character. Just know that I'm aware of all this, and I'm doing it anyway. It's one of those horrid ideas that won't go away, so I'm exorcizing it here. My deepest apologies for it's uh... weirdness. That said... read on brave soul, and I'll just... you know..await some angry reviews, lol.

Chapter 1

The 'charmed circle' as they had become known, to each other at least, had gathered at the local pub. They were all crammed into a large booth: Boq, Glinda, Fiyero, Elphaba, Tibbet, Crope, Avaric, Phfanee, and Shenshen, and had been about the business of consuming alcohol for the past three hours now. They were all getting a little more than drunk, and the boys especially were itching for further entertainment.

"This is all grand and lovely...this sitting here, and all.."Avaric stood on unsteady legs in his best profound statement making pose.

"...but I'm bored! Let's go out!"

Phfanee giggled with Shenshen and Nessa, presumably at Avaric. Elphaba, who was less inebriated than the others pointed out in mock seriousness,

"We _are_ out, you moron."

"Well some of us are..." Crope whispered, a little too loudly to Tibbet, who commenced rolling about in a fit of laughter.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. Glinda, who had heard, merely looked confused, and slurred,

"Uhmm... we could go to another pub... or, or a dancing club! Ooo! I love to dance!" she was excited by her own idea, and the thought of the opportunity to twirl about in her new pink skirt.

"No! We did that _last_ week" Avaric whined, promptly bursting her bubble.

"What about the Philosophy Club?" Boq supplied tentatively, only to be met with an audible silence, which was then quickly broken by Avaric.

"_Yes_! That's perfect!" His eyes were gleaming, even through their

drunken haze.

"We absolutely _must_ go! Who's game? You know you want to!" That last part, it seemed to Glinda at least, was said directly to her.

"Oh, I don't know Avaric... that place is so, so.."

"Seedy.", supplied Elphaba.

"Really Avaric, nobody wants to go _there_." she said, though she really want to see what all the hoopla was about. Just for the sake of knowing... of course.

"Well _I_ want to go, Miss Elphaba." said Phfanee haughtily, and Shenshen was quick to follow, as usual.

"Me too! Oh, it would be such an..uh... adventure!"

Seeing more of the group was not appalled, Fiyero admitted his interest. They all looked to Tibbet and Crope.

"Honestly..."said Crope

"Need you ask? Of course we're going. Right Tibbet?"

Tibbet looked up from his mug,

"Oh yes! Of course! What an fabulous lark! What fun! I'm in!" he said enthusiastically.

"Well I think it's settled then! That's a majority... uh... I think..." said Avaric, scrunching his brow deep in thought.

Elphaba snorted.

"Moron..." she said under her breath.

Only Glinda heard, and giggled.

"What do you think Elphie? Wouldn't it be just horrible of us?" She smiled wickedly, whispering in her ear.

Just then Avaric, unable to contain himself any longer shouted "We're going! To the land of sex for us all! I'll go grab a cab!" and with that he ran clumsily out the door.

Elphaba turned back to Glinda.

"Well... I _have_ always kind of wondered about it... I don't know Glinda. It might be dangerous."

"Well I'll go if you do Elphie." Glinda stated.

"Me? What difference does it make if I go or not?" Elphaba asked a little confused.

"Well... it'd be safer... you know...cause we'd be together... and, uh... you'd keep me from doing something dumb... or something..."

"Don't you think that 'something dumb' might be going at all Glinda?" she couldn't help but smile at the small girl in her drunken state. So innocent.

"Well... maybe." she sounded dejected.

"Oh, what the hell!" said Elphaba. "Let's go and see. It probably isn't as big a deal as it sounds... probably boring. We never do anything daring anyway." She surprised herself with this carefree statement, but chalked it up to the wine she'd had.

Glinda merely squealed in excitement, grabbing Elphaba's hand, and wriggling out of the booth after the others. Elphaba was pulled like a rag doll behind the small girl, surprised by her strength, especially being so drunk. They met the others at the curb, and waited while Avaric talked to the cab driver. He called for them after a moment, and they all scrambled into the carriage, all excited, and all more than a little nervous.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sooo... here cometh the ridiculousness. Let's just blame all out of character-ness on their inebriated states shall we? Yes, that's best. Definitely NOT because I suck at writing, lol. Anyways... here's the next chapter. Toss the fruits and veggies at me with love, k:)

Chapter 2

The cab pulled up to the Philosophy Club, and they all piled out, clumsily falling over one another. Avaric threw an obscene amount of money at the driver, and joined the rest of the group, yelling loudly,

"Well, now or never! Come on! Let's go get tickets!"

While they waited in line, Elphaba turned to Glinda, who looked rather nervous, and was fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

"Are you sure you want to go in? We can go back."

"Y-Yes... I do! I just... uhm... promise you'll stay near, okay?"

Elphaba took her hand gingerly and squeezed it.

"Of course, just let me know if you want to leave. I'll go with you." They had reached the front of the line.

"You with the rest of that group?" An old, horrible looking munchkin asked. She was wearing dark makeup, and her breath swooped at them smelling of Lurline knew what.

"Uhm, yes." replied Elphaba sourly crinkling her face.

"You're one to make faces at _me_ you green little snake. All the same... give me your hand."

Elphaba was annoyed at her comment, but used to such things she stuck out her hand tentatively only to have it smacked with a rubber stamp.

"You too pretty." Glinda put out her hand, and received the same glaring red stamp.

"Follow the others. The rules are posed on the wall inside." she weezed.

The girls glanced at each other, and stepped inside with the others. They were all crowded around a board, on which the rules of the club were written.

1. Once you pass through the doors you may not leave until the night is over.

2. Everyone must participate to some degree in all activities.

3. Drinks are free, so drink them.

4. Inhibitions are not allowed.

"Free drinks!" cried Boq.

"Let's go then!" cried Crope and Avaric together.

They all hurried inside, sweeping Elphaba and Glinda along with them.

"Did you read that Glinda! We can't leave!" Elphaba didn't like that at all. She hated the thought of being trapped anywhere, but especially here. Though, she thought, she didn't even really know what _here_ was.

"OH, it'll be oookay, Elphie. Look! Dancing!" She squealed, while doing some ridiculous little wiggling movement. She looked like a little puppy waiting for the ball to be thrown.

And at that moment Avaric handed Glinda a vile of blue glowing liquid and grabbed her hand, dragging her to the dance floor. Elphaba watched as Glinda disappeared into the crowd. She began to take in her surroundings, while winding her way through dimly lit room towards the dance floor. The music was playing loudly, and Elphaba couldn't tell where it was coming from, as she didn't see a band. It was nothing she'd ever heard before... glaring, hypnotic, sensual. She saw that Tibbet and Crope were dancing together, much like they always did, but this time they didn't stand out in their borderline grasslands mating ritual. Elphaba noticed that there were many couples of varying gender combinations grinding hungrily against one another. In fact, she noticed, many of them were sans an article or two of clothing. She stood there gaping at the near mass orgy on the floor in front of her until Boq grabbed her arm and dragged her off to where he and Shenshen and Phfanee had been getting better acquainted with one another, to say the least. Shenshen, who had three of the little blue drinks emptied and piled near her on the floor, was writhing against Phfanee, who had, it seemed, misplaced her top. She stood there, giggling, clad only in her lacy bra. Elphaba was mortified, and when Boq handed her one of the little blue viles she hesitated.

"Oh common Elphie! They're yummy! Try one... I don't know what it is, but it's GOOD!" he yelled over the mysterious music.

Boq, grabbed Elphaba by the waist and brought her nearer to his diminutive self. She looked at him, then back at the little vile in her hand.

"Might as well, since I can't leave. I don't think I'll get through tonight any other way." she thought, and swollowed the drink quickly, grabbing another and doing the same. Boq cheered, and she all but choked on the burning blue liquid.

"Common Elphie... dance with me, huh?"

The drinks were quickly going to her head, and the music was so hypnotic that Elphaba found herself swaying unconsciously with the music. Elphaba felt as if she was floating, and wondered briefly if there was more than alcohol in those drinks. But only briefly, as her mind soon wandered away from any coherent thought. Phfanee came up to her, and wrapping her arms around mid section, licked her ear mischievously.

"You know, Miss Elphaba... green is such an ennnvious color" she slurred, making little sense.

"Uhm... yea... uhmmm.." Elphaba, was for her part, in shock, but could only stare back at the girl who swirled in and out of focus before her, like a little flame.

She pulled out of Phfanee's arms, and twirled around dizzily.

"Where's Glinda" she said, to who she hoped was Boq... everything was getting rather blurry.

"She's over there...with Avaric." he replied, bringing his hand up to Elphaba's small breast and groping it unabashedly.

"Boq! Really..." She turned, blushing despite her drunken state, or maybe because of it, and hurried to where she saw the most pink, hoping it was Glinda.

When she got near enough to be sure of who it was, she paused. Glinda was indeed twirling, like she had wanted to do earlier, and Elphaba couldn't take her eyes off of her. She came to a dead stop and just watched, not even noticing that Fiyero had come up behind her, and had started placing little kisses all down her neck. She just watched Glinda, her hips rolling in slow circles now, as she held her hands above her head in a daze. Avaric looked at Glinda hungrily, but then... so did Elphaba. Glinda broke out of her little world for a moment, and caught Elphaba's stare. She smiled lazily, drunkenly, and closed her eyes once more. Elphaba swallowed hard, and felt herself begin to float... or so she thought for a moment until she realized that Fiyero had lifted her up into his arms.

"Come, let us see what it is the pink flower is doing with that monster."

He carried her haphazardly towards Avaric and Glinda, who were now kissing feircly. Elphaba watched them unabashedly, and realized with some shock, that whatever part of her was still functioning was very jealous. She quickly lept out of Fiyero's arms and landed on the floor with a thump which caught the attention of Avaric and Glinda.

"Ooo... Elphie, you _fell_... come here Elphie... I'll help you up."

She made to go to her, but Avaric grabbed her around the waist.

"No no, you were busy...she'll get up on her own... or take root... or something..."

He began kissing her again, but Glinda persisted.

"Hush A-ver-Ric... and get off me... you know I..." but she lost her train of thought, and merely giggled, stumbling over to Elphie.

She plopped onto the floor next to her.

"Gliinda..."Elphaba said, uncharacteristicly bubbly. "You were _kissing_ Avaric! You know you don't like him!" She said scrunching her forehead, and squinting in a very serious manner.

"Oooo...that's _right_... you were supposed to let me not be stupid! Elphie!"

"Right, right, I forgot. No more Avaric okay! He only wants to... _you know_... and you just can't!" Elphaba was being very dramatic for effect, definately not because she was drunk out of her mind

. "Okay, but keep him away okay... I just can't say no to anything tonight! I don't know WHAT'S come over me!" With that they both fell into a giggling pile of pink and green, only to be interrupted by a loud bell.

"Attention fellow miscreants! Everybody pair up! It's time for some fun! If you don't have a partner, we'll find you one! Hurry now! You have 2 minutes before I decide!"

The girls looked at each other, in fear, or excitement it was hard to tell.

"Common Glindaaa... you're gonna be with me!" Avaric declared.

Glinda looked to Elphaba pleadingly, and Elphaba whispered into her ear,

"You can be my partner, but..." she hesitated realized she had no idea what was going to happen with her partner, whoever it might be. What if they had to... she was mortified

"Glinda! What if we have to have _sex_ with our partner or something like it!" Glinda paled.

"Oh...Elphie, what'll I _do_! I can't have sex with Avaric! I... I... I never..."

"I know", Elphaba finished for her "Me either... well, we can't have sex with each other..." she giggled

"Just be my partner, it's safer."

Relieved, Glinda agreed.

"Sorry Avaric, looks like you're with Fiyero..." but Fiyero had already bounded off to grab Shenshen in the moment the two girls had spent plotting what they thought to be their great plan. Avaric looked around growing more and more worried.

"You can't be with _her_! She's...she's... a she! Common Glinda! Pleaase!" but just as he was getting too pathetic for words a Lioness came up to him.

"Comon sugar, I'm here all alone, and you'll have to be with me tonight" she purred into his ear. Despite himself Avaric got very aroused.

"Oh... okay." he murmured, and was led off to a corner. Elphaba and Glinda exchanged worried looks.

"I... uh... wow. I hope this doesn't get too out of hand" said Elphaba.

"How can it. It's just you and me... how far can _that_ go?" but Glinda knew exactly how far, and she was hopeful despite herself. Elphaba was silent, puzzling over Glinda's question. "How far indeed," she thought.

"Okay, listen up!" came the voice from...somewhere.

"There are to be two groups. The first group will go into the room to the left of the dance floor with the yellow star over it. The second group will go to the right side of the dance floor, to the door with the red heart over it. Stick with your partner, but split yourselves down the middle and go towards the door closest to you. Now!"

Elphaba and Glinda looked to their right at the door with the red heart.

"Is that closest?" asked Glinda, thoroughly confused.

"Sure...let's go." Elphaba said taking Glinda's hand and pulling her towards the huge wooden door. They crowded around it with some others, Boq and Phfanee, and Tibbet and Crope, being among the group assembled there. An elf, wearing nothing but socks and a little red belt, hopped up on a stool and began to speak to them in a surprisingly low voice.

"Now, all of you will enter. You may not leave until you hear the bell again. Each couple will be given a private sweet into which you must go."

They all looked around, a little disappointed.

"Well, that's not so scary..." Crope said to Tibbet.

"Oooo..." said Phfannee in Boqs ear.

"AND..." continued the elf in his low baritone "Everyone must finish the glass of red elixir that is given to you before you enter the private sweet. Now... go forth little ones!"

With that the door swung open by it's own accord, or so it seemed, and the grouped filed in.

"Well, I don't see what the big deal is... so we drink some pink stuff and sit in a room... neat." said Glinda picking up a bottle outside the room the elf had shown them to.

"Yea... but we don't know what it is... it might be..." but Elphaba had no chance to finish her statement, as Glinda had already swallowed her share.

"Now you." Said the elf, impatiently, as he had to tend to the rest. Elphaba looked at the bottle, then looked at Glinda, who was begining to sway. She drank it in one large gulp. It tasted like cherries. Glinda smiled at her as the elf unlocked the sweet and ushered them in locking the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

1A/N: K, so I've encountered a bit of writers block in the form of LIFE. Uhm... but I've got a general idea of where I want to take this gawdawful little story, so I'll be cruel and give you this chapter. I'm not sure when I'll have time to update. It's production week for the opera I'm in. I know... how dare they take up my time, right? Anyways... let the chaos continue. This just keeps getting worse, lol. shrug

Chapter the Third-ish

Elphaba awoke to the sounds of a train barreling through her brain at top speed, with it's light shining like some sort of Oz-awful beacon of doom. Except there was no train, and the only light consisted of little slivers coming through the curtains of her otherwise dark dorm room. Elphaba squinted painfully, trying to take in her surroundings, but only managed to discern that yes, she was indeed in her dorm room, before a searing pain in her head forced them shut again.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" she thought. Then suddenly it dawned on her, with that horrible 'oh shit' sinking feeling where she had gone last night.

"Oh Lurline... we went to the philosophy club... but..." and Elphaba realized that this was the end of her knowledge of the events of the previous night.

"Fuck!" Elphaba cursed loudly, and regrettably as it rattled her sensitive ears, and those of the small blonde sleeping next to her. Or... as it seemed, on top of her.

"Mmph... b'quiet... too loud" Galinda said, her voice muffled by Elphaba's chest.

Having been previously unaware that there was another person in her bed, Elphaba, despite her aching head, all but shot out of the bed and across the room, flinging Galinda half out of the bed in the process.

"Elphaba! What in Oz are you..." but she paused, looking down at herself, having felt a sudden chill, and realized she was completely naked. Her jaw dropped, and she grabbed the sheet, wrapping it quickly around her. As she did this Elphaba looked on in horror, standing there gaping like a trout.

"I... I.." she stammered, unable to put together a coherent thought, only to have her catatonic mumbling interrupted by Galinda's quiet voice.

"Elphaba.. .uhm... you..." she gestured at Elphaba's body, which was also without one stitch of clothing. Elphaba looked down at herself, gasped and looked around in a panic for something to cover herself with. Galinda watched her usually very composed roommate rifling through clothes strewn about the floor, and giggled despite herself, as Elphaba pulled a pink shift over her head.

"I don't see how you can possibly laugh at a moment like this!" Elphaba yelled.

Galinda only pointed to her pink ensemble and smirked. Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"I think my wearing your shift is the least of our concerns right now... what... do you... did we... Oh dear Oz! Do you remember _anything?_" Elphaba was terribly upset, not used to being the one asking questions, especially of her blonde roommate. Galinda seemed to ponder this, and the more she thought, the tighter she pulled the sheet to her body. Her face dropped all of it's previous amused qualities and she looked up at Elphaba with a look of complete and utter despair.

"No." she said in a whisper. "Not a thing."


End file.
